The Stepford Village Voice

The Stepford Village Voice

There’s the Village Voice, and then there’s the Stepford Village Voice–that would be me. Though it’s pretty ambitious to compare a respected journalistic institution with a one-woman Walking User Error, let’s just do it in the name of bad jokes everywhere.

Good morning. It’s me again. And I do occasionally refer to my town (with all due affection) as a Stepford Village, because it’s very clean and green and it doesn’t look like the kind of place they would let a madwoman like me into. Then again, I have often joked that I am in disguise as a Stepford Wife. And it’s true: others do sometimes refer to me as the Village Idiot.

So, following that logic, the Stepford Village Voice seems an appropriate moniker for me. I am an author of commercial fiction masquerading as a housewife. I ramble around in my old SUV, dropping off Himself’s drycleaning while trying to solve plot problems in my current manuscript.

I go to the grocery store, muttering to myself, and pretend to thump melons while spying on other customers for character and dialogue ideas. When it’s really hot outside (my village is in south Florida) I admit to fantasies about climbing into the frozen food cases and nestling among the peas.

Where am I going with this? Well, authors are encouraged (oh, fine, let’s admit it—we are virtually held at GUNPOINT) to blog. But most of us don’t feel that we lead very interesting lives. After all, we sit around on our rear ends and write. If we had webcams in our offices, nobody would watch the feed—seeing grass grow is more exciting.

But over half the country lives in ‘burbs just like mine, which means that the Stepford Village needs a voice! And probably more than one—which is a very good thing for all the other voices in my head. You’ve seen the t-shirt, right? The one that says, “You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me?” Well, you lucky, lucky reader! Now they’re gonna talk to you, too.

With love and other warped ideas,

KK

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11 Comments

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11 responses to “The Stepford Village Voice

  1. Honestly, Karen, I don’t know what you mean by Stepford. Well, I’ve got to get on my pearls and heels so I can look perfect while I clean the house. Tah!

  2. Ona

    You ARE too funny. Yes, I think many of us live in our own little world. Next time I’m at the grocery store I will look for you in the freezer case.

    I love your new blog. You go girl.

  3. Karen, your blog will be entertaining no matter what you write. I just love your witty voice and your outtakes on life will be hilarious. So welcome to the blogosphere.

  4. Andrew

    Remember, though, that the key to making the animatrons was getting the wives to provide enough voice samples to provide a basis for synthesizing the entire English language. So maybe it’s safer to blog in silence!

    • LOL. Safer, yes. But I hear tell that we authors are supposed to cause controversy so that it leads to higher sales. Now, if I can only find something controversial to cook for dinner, here in the Village?

  5. Debbie

    Since I liked your voice in this, I can’t help, but want to twist this into a story. Hey, like the Rear Window. Our little housewife/writer (who never quite fit in) with a well-known over the top imagination to her fellow neighbors, happens upon seeing a murder. A few residents have already been killed. (Of course, I’d make her recently divorced, and she sees the good looking guy who she’s had an eye on doing something. yada, yada, yada. Or he’s the cop that lives next door who doesn’t believe her. Meanwhile her ex is living in the community with miss big bossums and the perfect Stepford wife.)

  6. Dear Stepford Village Iddiott— This is your friend, the raving writing lunatic, who scours the beach in her husbands briefs and a bad bikini top looking for gold dubloons that I know have blown ashore from the Spanish galeons the went down in one of the recent hurricanes. I know you’re out there in that Stepford village out west because my gold detector registers your bling all the way from the beach. Let’s do lunch soon.

    xox, RWL

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